i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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