Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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