Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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