Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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