Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
