I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Nicole vs. Life
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
