Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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