You're my little dorito
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You are the jesus of drinking
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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