I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
