summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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