Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
