Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
