so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Alive.
So much puke
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
