i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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