I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
