I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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