if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
