Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
