I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
