this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
