Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize