There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
