I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
