Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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