i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
