Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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