God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
