Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
