I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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