Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
