i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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