I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
