she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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