all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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