she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
