my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize