Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
