You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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