If i come over, it means nothing
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
