K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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