awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
