508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
