There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
