Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize