ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
