Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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