my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
