I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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