eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
