I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
