I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
