I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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