dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My dick has a subreddit
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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