just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
