If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
