Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
