At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
