ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
