69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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