She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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