we're making bets on your personal life
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
