this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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