i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This toilet bowl is my home.
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