I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
