I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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