So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
