they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize