Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
