you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
