bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
