i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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