Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
