I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
