I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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