I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
