The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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