this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
