I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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