He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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