you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize