I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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