Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
