You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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