kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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