Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
