Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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