he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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