i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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