It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
