That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize