Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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