someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
