i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like death gave me a hand job
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
