This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
