Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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