HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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