I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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