when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
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