I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
