Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
