So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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