Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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